They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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