Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
