Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
