Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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