i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
