I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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