bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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