She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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