I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
