can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
