Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
