day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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