Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
