So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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