you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
