Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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