Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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