I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
