i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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