When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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