So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
