I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
