My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
