he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
