I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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