Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i believe in u and ur pee
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
