she looked like the bat from fern gully.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
