i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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