hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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