Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How external is "for external use only"?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
