Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
