Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
