Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
