i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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