well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
