I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
