omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
