How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
