U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
