I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
