He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
