Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
