i think i have two assholes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
