My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
