i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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