forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
