So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
