Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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