So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
