my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
