Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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