He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
