i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
