woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
