I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
