So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
