So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
